How-to sattire

Brimmk · **Posted:** January 4th, 2010, 5:09 am

Hello people,
a couple of weeks ago, I had to do an essay in my English class that was a "how-to" article. See what you think.

Quote:

How to become a rich in a bad economy by becoming a best-selling author:
1: Think up a plot for a book based on semi-modern mythology, try to avoid vampires, werewolves and witches/wizards as these have been done.

2: take whatever sounds good in your story and twist to cater to your audience. Teenage and pre-teen girls with their moms are one of the best markets, looking at the success of other franchises which will go unnamed here.

3: Further edit the story so that it becomes so romantic and soppy, with unrealistic, handsome, dashing and generally dreamy male characters that fall for unremarkable girls and love them unconditionally. These factors should make most of the girls who become major psychotic fans later never date any of their classmates, etc. because they all entertain the same foolish hope that the character from the book (and movies) will magically appear and sweep them off their feet.

4: Get a good enough publicist that can get you on Oprah. The money that you will have to spend to be able to bribe her with to get her to recommend it on air is worth it. The amount of profit that you will receive later will pay many times over for the money that you spent to get it on the show in the first place.

5: Draw out series long enough so that you can maximize your profit on the sales of the books and with the later movies.

6: Create enormous fan base to later consume mindlessly the literary swill that you later produce.

give me a grade for it if you want from 0% to 100%.

Spoiler for grade I got from the teacher:

Adbot · **Posted:** January 4th, 2010, 5:09 am

Gontcha · **Posted:** January 4th, 2010, 12:40 pm

VEry good, I like how you bash twilight in a more original way xP

Brimmk · **Posted:** January 5th, 2010, 2:17 pm

twilight is one of the overly-popular series that needs to be made fun of. nice pic, that would be a much more fitting ending for the story, with Blade, Alucard, Van Hellsing and others exterminating most of Forks and the Twilight vampires as a whole.

Duke Juker · RSBandB Donor since 07/01/2010

I really like what you wrote. I'm not a fan of Twilight (though, I admit, I haven't read the books or seen a movie). You could almost critique it a little bit for something like Harry Potter as well. I'm not a fan of Harry Potter either (though I will admit that I haven't read the books either, but saw a few parts of the movies and thought it was decent). Hate me for judging, but I don't think Twilight or Harry Potter are that great of literature from what I've heard and seen from the fan bases they have created. I might get around to reading the books eventually, but for now, I don't think I'm interested enough or really care for them. Btw, if you were hinting at Twilight, I'm just curious. Have you actually read the books, or are you just going off what you've heard or know about Twilight like me? Oh, and again, excellent sattire. If I didn't give it the 100%, it'd still be in the A range (unless I was a teacher who took offense to what you wrote, that do surprisingly exist in this world).

I must say I did enjoy that picture, Gontcha. I wish Edward would have got it from Blade, probably sooner rather than later. :lol:

Brimmk · **Posted:** January 6th, 2010, 5:13 am

I've read parts of it, not a whole book, I've also seen snippets of the movie, but never watched or read a whole one entirely. But I do have a friend who is somewhat obsessed with the books and tells me about it all the time. I don't mind, but I know most of what happens in the story. Harry Potter was a great series (I've read it through many times), in terms of literature, but my critique is mostly for Twilight, because it took a lot of what made HP universally popular and twisted it to be overly soppy and completely unrealistic in a human interaction sense (of course, the whole story is unrealistic). The other thing is that character development is almost nil, and that the characters are almost flat, they don't have many changes, other than when Bella goes all emo after he leaves. Besides, Bella Swan? Is she supposed to be the great great great great granddaughter of Elizabeth Swan from Pirates of the Caribbean? Anyways, I'm glad you liked it.