Alex's Analysis - All the Fix

posted by Alex 43 on 14 December 2017 at 01:16 | Discuss on our Forums


"Quester, skiller, or killer? Today it doesn't matter, because this Patch Week features the heftiest collection of game-wide quality-of-life fixes we've seen all year... The behemoth-of-a-list left our forum post bursting at the seams, so much that it now spans two gargantuan forum posts."


Alright, then.

This week's update hosted a whole bunch of those little conveniences and player opinions made reality that we call Ninja Fixes. Ninja, which I'm led to believe stands for Nothing Insanely New, Just Additions, is the team that go through player comments and their own in-game experiences, and just tweak and modify little bits and pieces here and there to help make the play experience smoother, easier, and generally all-around better.

Rarely do we get new dialogue or quest-related features from there, which is a real shame because I would like Zamorak and the Mahjarrat to remember that Zaros had returned because, well, they were all together during the Endgame and all. Nevertheless, they're still great. Aside from quests, I much prefer them over other kinds of updates like new bosses and slayer monsters. Rather than being driven to do something new and different for the early-bird benefits, we instead get little improvements to help with our daily routines that we already have cemented down to a science.

Now, I like to go through updates and offer my analysis on how I believe they will affect the game through my years of experience. However, this time, there are... quite a lot of them. Just a whole bunch of ninja updates, fixes, and simple improvements. It would take paragraphs to go through each one individually.

Instead, let's go over everything in general, highlighting the bigger, more interesting ones along the way. So, without further ado, the simplified version:


Crystal chimes got their animation fixed. Yay. No more disconnecting from reality when fighting giant warped tortoises.


The majority of these are the bank now reliably showing icons and options, as well as settings and preferences remembering what they were set to. Not much to read into for these ones; a UI that now works as expected as opposed to earlier is always a good thing. Unless the UI is intentionally glitchy due to the game mechanics. Seriously, don't you find those kinds of games creepy after a while?


Couple tweaks to Kuradel's dungeon, New Varrock, and black wool. A good one here is the extra increased chance of an Ushabti working from 200m exp to 120 slayer. Pretty big for those struggling to complete their slayer codexes.


How about that; there actually was more dialogue added this time. Doris talks about a Court Case. ... that's it. Please let there be more in the future!

Not much else here to concern yourself with if you already have your quest cape and nearly all achievements unlocked. Several requirements have been updated, several achievements have been tweaked, and a couple of rather obsolete bugs here and there have been fixed. Otherwise it's just listing and stuff.


This was a great idea. A really great idea. Hover mouse over an item, and it will show you all the affiliated stats rather than you right-clicking, selecting an option, and praying it didn't make the item explode on you. Since there already are so many items in Runescape, it came as no surprise that a few were missed. Reckon there are still a couple out there missing complete tool-tips, so folks, kindly get your suggestions out there if you find one that could really use a more conveniently accessible stat!


The buff bar now tracks cannon ammo! Now isn't that awesome? Also, you can now directly see prayer drain as a buff bar icon. And the Vengeance spell. And the Fight Kiln crystals. And even Onslaught! Wow, this was a good one.

The others are extras like D&D buffs, Blackhole from the Zaros Godsword, an enemy's poison immunity (because who uses poison, right?), and various others. You'll see them.


Yup. Just when you thought F2P were getting spoiled with a whole new skill, here are a bunch of additions to F2P. Namely, F2P got every single achievement that can be done in an F2P location. The wilderness, Karamja, desert, Daemonheim, and even some in Varrock. They also got a bunch of new Daily Challenge tasks, monster drops, daemonheim fixes, and member/non-member differentiations. They even can now get the ever-popular Robes of Zamorak from the monks now. Some of the uses F2P stuff, like marrentil, evil elder trees, and Bounty Hunter rewards became members items in exchange.


In a nutshell, nearly every store in Runescape now stocks up to runite from adamantite, as well as tier 50 mage and ranged armor. In other words, every shop now has an increased tier of stock. I would imagine this may have something to do with the upcoming Smithing update. Or it could just be making it easier for newer players to have access to higher level gear without resorting to negotiating the Grand Exchange. Either way, it feels a bit unnecessary, and the only real practical use I can imagine out of this is both stabilizing the mid-tier economy and having more stuff available for invention disassembly.

Many stores also now sell off-hand versions of their equipment. That's got a bit more practical use.


Going to be honest; didn't know you could set up a cannon in a citadel until they blocked it. Come on, you guys! Cannons are my livelihood here! Stop making things difficult for me!

Linza armor drop rate has been significantly increased (forgot what they even do...), Seren Godbow's special has been slightly reworked, and now nearly all monsters that drop one-hand weapons now drop their off-hand variants (in separate drops, of course). Epic. Though to be fair, I like it a bit better when one-hand weapons come with the right-click-to-generate-offhand option like the Treasure Hunter rewards have. That probably would've been a lot easier to implement and work with, but I'm glad they went the extra mile with that.

Alright, almost done! One thing left to-


Wait, what? We never even touched the Ninja Fixes after all that? They weren't kidding, were they?

Ho boy, where to start? Well, I reckon I'll point out the more interesting ones.

First, the elite Varrock armor makes Chaos Tunnel random teleports less frequent, which is a shame because elite clue scrolls no longer take you there anymore.

Second, the Price Checker will now tell you the price of any item in the Grand Exchange, so you no longer have to actually go there for that. Sweet.

Player-Owned-Ports will show you your ship's equipped parts directly, making it much easier to customize them for particular missions.

Revolution is now the default combat style when starting Runescape. Hopefully that will not scare new players off.

You can buy the Ring of Stone in the TzHaar city for 303,000 Tokkul. Which, nowadays, is relatively easier to obtain compared to what I went through to get my first Onyx. Let's just say I got and sold nearly 100k chaos runes from the Barrows. ... yeah, it was a busy year.

The Music Playlist now has a Repeat-One toggle. Woo!

You can swap the default skill used when clicking a permanent bonfire. Very nice.

You can combine the monkey gree-grees into one. Saves you a bunch of bank space.

The rest of them are quest reward lamp updates and requirement classifications. Again, when you own a Quest Point Cape, really doesn't affect you much. Though I am still waiting on the Sliske's Endgame boss rematch on the Stone of Jas platform.


So, there you have it. You can read up on all these changes yourself here if you want. Again, nothing game changing or super-dynamic; just a bunch of quality-of-life tweaks that make an already great game even better.

Now, if only the Sonic Team did this with their games...

Until next time,

Cheers, cannoneers!

The biggest collection of patch notes and ninja fixes ever! Including lots of focus on F2P usability, shops, and achievements! Also our thoughts on player hosted events supported by Jagex and an update on the rewards for Pieces of Hate.

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Is it… is it time? *slowly crawls to surface of cave*

*gasps loudly* Finally… fresh air… a quest!

It’s been a long and strange year for Runescape, in general, to be sure, and that is perhaps most appropriately said regarding the quests released this year. Although we began the year with a penguin quest, all we’ve really had since then were the four “quests” released with Menaphos, and in my opinion, these last four shouldn’t belong on the list because they go against the general questing spirit and are the reason I no longer am a card-holding member, but I digress. This article is not about the recent dearth of content but is instead about the breath of fresh air that this most recent quest is to save this year from ending on a bad note. So let’s get into the summary and analysis of Evil Dave’s Big Day Out!

To begin the quest, make your way to Evil Dave in his BASEMENT OF DOOMLY DOOM!!!! *coughs* Forgive me, it seems the transformation back takes some time… Regardless, begin in the typical fashion by speaking to Evil Dave in his house in Edgeville and asking if there’s a quest that might be done! If you have the proper requirements filled to begin the quest, Dave will then offer you a quest and off we go.

Apparently, Dave has been obsessing over Zamorak ever since the Sixth Age began (what, over five years ago in earth years?) and Dave desperately wants to get his attention. To do so, he needs the player’s help to conduct an EVIL ritual of some sort. However, as Dave has poor handwriting and the player has difficulty reading the incantation properly, the ultimate consequences of the ritual are that the player character and Dave switch bodies, a la Freaky Friday. When you’re finally able to come to, Dave (now in your body) is nowhere to be found and all you can do is go up to Doris to try and see what you should do next. Believing the player to truly be Dave, Doris expects Dave’s chores done, and that’s exactly what you must do.

After cutting vegetables, sweeping the rug, washing the dishes, and cleaning the bed, the player character takes a nap on Dave’s bed and dreams of Dave in the player’s body speaking to Moia and Zamorak in Daemonheim where Dave is, of course, acting strangely which raises some suspicion from those around him. Still, Zammy tasks “real Dave” with infiltrating and spying on a meeting for Saradomin in Falador. Once you wake up, Doris seems satisfied and leaves “Dave” at home while she goes to the Grand Exchange. Seeing this as an opportunity to search Dave’s personal belongings for help in getting out of this predicament, the player then searches Dave’s personal book stash to find some rather interesting book titles and text boxes that will be discussed in more detail later on! After finding his spellbook in the bookshelves and some runes in a hidey hole behind some drapes, the time seems right to make off to the Makeover Mage. The idea here is that disguising Dave’s body in a female form will allow the character in this form (real Dave is banned currently from entering Falador) to enter Falador and stop real Dave before he can spy on Saradomin’s meeting.

But of course, nothing goes as planned and the teleport you actually cast is to the Grand Exchange, where you are very nearly caught by Doris who is shopping for groceries. After she leaves, the player needs to access Dave’s bank to get new runes to teleport once more. The earth rune can be gained by speaking to the banker and the law rune will be in Dave’s bank along with an “emergency flask of stew.” To get the air runes, you speak to the Grand Exchange employee who will only give Dave a law rune for a drink (but not his stew because it’s too spicy) so you empty the stew into your own mouth and fill the empty flask in a fountain. After drinking the slurry (with a “hint of orange”), you now have all the runes needed and teleport successfully to the Makeover Mage!

After ensuring to the Mage that you are who you claim to be, he/she agrees to transform you into a female form, even agreeing to maintain the lovely beard! Now as Davina, the mage teleports you back to your home where Doris arrives shortly after. Despite having no evidence to go on outside of the fact that “Dave” smells “fresh,” you now find yourself to be double grounded. And as such, a new round of chores are in order: the same as before! However, the chores do not go so smoothly this time and the broom, knife, and a dish all break, requiring the player to take a trip across the road to the general store. After some rather hilarious interactions, “Dave” is simply given the materials he needs and makes his way back home to finish the second round of household duties. Once the bed is cleaned, another nap ensues and thus another glimpse into the actions of real Dave in your body. This time, Dave is in Falador Park speaking to Sir Tiffy about becoming an elite white knight in hopes of getting into the aforementioned meeting. Dave must, therefore, re-do the training that the player went through, even including a rather funny cutscene involving Dave and the sea slugs wherein the mind-controlling sea slugs actually give up their plans in the face of Dave’s authentic brand of insanity. Real Dave is now in, and the player wakes up once again.

Evidently, Gertrude’s cat problem is only getting worse, so Doris let’s “Dave” know that she’s off to visit her, allowing another opportunity to get out of the house and into the White Knights’ Castle. Once there, the player happens upon a Metal Gear Solid-esque scenario requiring that the player evade the notice of a few white knights, very similar to quest mechanics typical from a decade or so ago. The first knight must be distracted in a different way and, after a bit of examining the surroundings, the player crafts a sort of homemade bomb that then summarily blows the unsuspecting knight over the wall, leaving only a pair of charred boots.

From here, the “maze” is fairly straightforward (and seems to be able to be cheesed by just running through most of the time at the time of writing) and once through, the player arrives on a tower with a knight barbecuing and Sir Amik demanding drinks be brought to him. Once you get Sir Amik completely sloshed, he reveals that the secret meeting is in a Kalphite Hive in the Kharidian Desert. After this, the player returns back to home, Doris, and a fresh triple grounding with more chores. Thankfully, the chores go on this time without a hitch and a new cutscene is revealed. This time, real Dave is at Shantay Pass and moves on through on his way to the secret meeting.

Upon the third waking, Doris leaves once again and soon after a family of new hell-rats announces that they have come over to visit (as this is apparently a regular occurrence). Taking three of these rats, the player decides they will compose the crack team needed to get through Shantay Pass and into the meeting. Once to Shantay, however, it seems evident that rats are a big problem for Shantay. To keep this section short, the player needs to find some way to smuggle the rats through the pass. To do so, the player rolls one through in a barrel, launches one from a coconut tree, and throws one from the wall of the city while within a coconut shell. The rats then help in finding and infiltrating the meeting, which the player helps interrupt. I’ll be frank, this scene seemed odd and I didn’t quite get what the purpose was. Maybe it was supposed to emphasize the fact that Dave’s plan is absolutely stupid and that somehow summoning Zamorak into a meeting with Saradomin wouldn’t really do anything. Regardless, the “meeting” ends with real Dave teleporting the both of you to Ice Mountain where Doris is for some reason talking to a monk when she spots the two, taking you both home.

Back in the basement, the hell-rats volunteer to help in the evil body-swapping ritual which once again gets botched, but this time with the player regaining their body and only Dave and Doris swapping bodies. After the ritual, speak to Doris (Evil Dave) and quest complete!

Although the quest was by no means perfect or super-spectacular, it was the fact that it was a normal quest with self-referential humor throughout which made it fun. It was relatively simple, seemed inexpensive and used a lot of already available assets, but still provided an hour or so of light-hearted fun.

Some Highlights
-Dave is his usual over-the-top evil in this quest. If you’ve done Evil Dave content before, this hits some familiar notes.
-The bookcase dialogue is golden. The books are pun-riddled and the insistence made by the game that you not waste any more time after continuing to search the shelves is perfect.

-It might be small, but the extra options when sweeping and washing dishes to fly away and to play in the bubbles are nice additions.

-The fact that everyone knows Dave. WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW DAVE? And more importantly, why don’t they see him as crazy? This leads to the hilarity of the female general store clerk. She totally has a thing for Dave and it is absolutely inexplicable.

-“And now my watch has ended” on a broken watch (Game of Thrones/ASOIAF)
-“None shall pass” (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) and “You shall not pass” (Lord of the RIngs) lines from Shantay
-“My life got flipped, turned upside down” from Dave (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
-The fact that Dave somehow managed to buy up all the shadow dye and then waste it all on cheap garments. Classic Dave.

This is the kind of quest that you want to see every couple of months. Something small, simple, but quintessentially Runescape. Next up will be in a few months so hopefully we can get something as a Christmas present to tide over those of us that love being sent on an adventure, no matter how small!

Remembrance, AAA Games, Squats, and Neutrality

posted by Shane on 2 December 2017 at 01:02

Hello Everyone!

December is now upon us and the advent calendars have appeared with only 25 days until Christmas. December will surely bring in the holiday season and we're going to help you with that. Looking ahead I know that we have a couple year in review style features planned but... we should look at November first.

We started off November remembering those fallen, both in the real world and in RuneScape. Alex composed a poem commemorating those lost in the God War: One and the Same. For the rest of the month we departed from RuneScape. November also features Black Friday and Tanis wrote about the fall's AAA game line up and what may be worth picking up on sale. Colton wrote about one of his hobbies, powerlifting! In the start of this series he covers the bench, squat, and deadlift. Our final article from yours truly talks about net neutrality, why net neutrality is needed and why we need to go further.

Our Thieving Skill of the Month saw what was thought to be an early win by Jamandy52 but later The RRMan took the lead and then Flash took the lead. Jamandy52 came back in the end to win in the final 4 days with a final experience of 20,601,716 earned.

Here's your trophy:


Flash came in second with 17.7 million experience gained and The RRMan came in third with 14.4 million experience gained.

A note on Skill of the Month before we begin a new year of competitions. We are considering a couple of changes to the competitions and would be interested in hearing your thoughts:

  1. Allow voting on every other skill. In the event of a tie, the skill would be randomly chosen.
  2. Make combat skills more rare. One combat skill every 3 months at most. Right now we could have a string of 3 combat skills in a row.
We'll see you at the end of December!

A quest overview of Evil Dave’s Big Day Out and the debate of bottle quests vs epic story quests. Also, the ribbon gains customization abilities but how does it fit in overall with the RuneScape interface. And the combat winter weekend is upon us.

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