Tough Love

Unbirthday · **Posted:** October 6th, 2008, 11:59 pm

What's your view on tough love? Do you think it works or no? Do you think it works more times than it doesn't work?

Now relate tough love to a relationship.
Right now I'm ignoring the girl I "love" [don't give me the b/s about being too young to be in love. That's why I put quotes.]
to see if she wants to be with me. She broke up with me and wanted to continue to act like we were together while she texted other guys.
Ever since I've started ignoring her she's gone crazy. I have over 40 missed calls, and that's just from today. I have about 20 different texts saying all kinds of different things. I have over 20 voice mails from her being mad, sad, crying, yelling, etc.
Tough love is seeming to work in my case. If she didn't care she wouldn't be doing all of this. Although I am waiting for her to make a decision of being with me or not. She hasn't made this decision yet.

So what is your view on tough love? Family use? Relationship use? Pet use? Any other use?

Adbot · **Posted:** October 6th, 2008, 11:59 pm

Chief Snake · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 2:12 am

Define "tough love" please. I don't know what you're talking about. :oops:

Edit: Nevermind, Brad and Creepy below me pretty much summed up my thoughts.

Brad · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 2:16 am

I think it's stupid. Guess it's hard to know the real story but if I seriously doubted my girlfriend didn't want to be with me anymore I'd just either straight up confront her about it and then proceed based on what she said or if she refuses to give a straight answer (as girls seem to love doing, I find) I'd just break up with her and move on. Mind games are just childish.

CreepyPirate · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 2:17 am

If you're asking if what you're doing is right or not then I'd say it was wrong, shouldn't mess with people like that.

Especially when you've said on more than one occasion that you're seeing more than one "girlfriend", screwing with peoples emotions when you don't truly care isn't right you should cut her loose.

Unbirthday · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 6:42 am

Brad wrote:

I think it's stupid. Guess it's hard to know the real story but if I seriously doubted my girlfriend didn't want to be with me anymore I'd just either straight up confront her about it and then proceed based on what she said or if she refuses to give a straight answer (as girls seem to love doing, I find) I'd just break up with her and move on. Mind games are just childish.

I agree mind game are childish. My girlfriend broke up with me. I did straight up confront her about it and she didn't give me a straight answer so I told her that I didn't want to talk to her until she made up her mind. All the calls, texts, voice mails fall after that.

CreepyPirate wrote:

If you're asking if what you're doing is right or not then I'd say it was wrong, shouldn't mess with people like that.

Especially when you've said on more than one occasion that you're seeing more than one "girlfriend", screwing with peoples emotions when you don't truly care isn't right you should cut her loose.

I'm curious as to what you think I'm doing to consider my actions wrong? All I'm doing is ignoring her. She broke up with me and I asked her if she wanted to be with me and she couldn't give me a straight answer. I told her that I wouldn't talk to her until she decided if she wanted to be with me or not. After hearing that, what actions do you consider wrong?

Seeing more than one girlfriend? Are you talking about the movie thing, when I took two girls to the same movie? That was 2 or 3 years ago. There hasn't been more that one since this one. There actually hasn't been more than one ever at a time. If you concider girlfriend "official" then I only see one girl, but if it's just dating, then yeah I'll date one or two at a time. Everyone does that though.

Also this topic isn't relationship specific. I wasn't trying to make this about me. I have no problem talking about my situation but what I was trying to achieve is to see if anyone believes in tough love and if it has worked in any cases or failed to work in any cases. Anyone please feel free to post about tough love. This is supposed to be a broad topic not just my relationship stories. =)

CreepyPirate · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 7:08 am

[quote=Zac]
I'm curious as to what you think I'm doing to consider my actions wrong? All I'm doing is ignoring her. She broke up with me and I asked her if she wanted to be with me and she couldn't give me a straight answer. I told her that I wouldn't talk to her until she decided if she wanted to be with me or not. After hearing that, what actions do you consider wrong?[/quote]

Ignoring her. Your plan is flawed, if you're ignoring her how are you supposed to know if she wants to be with you or not. It's childish, much easier to just talk things over, gets it out in the open, everyone knows where they stand, everyone can move on.

Adbot · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 7:08 am

Unbirthday · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 7:40 am

CreepyPirate wrote:

Zac wrote:

I'm curious as to what you think I'm doing to consider my actions wrong? All I'm doing is ignoring her. She broke up with me and I asked her if she wanted to be with me and she couldn't give me a straight answer. I told her that I wouldn't talk to her until she decided if she wanted to be with me or not. After hearing that, what actions do you consider wrong?

Ignoring her. Your plan is flawed, if you're ignoring her how are you supposed to know if she wants to be with you or not. It's childish, much easier to just talk things over, gets it out in the open, everyone knows where they stand, everyone can move on.

Oh I see where you're coming from. I'll know she wants to be with me when she texts me that she wants to, she leaves me a voice mail saying she wants to, she shows up at my door. [don't rule out the last one, she's done it twice.]
I've tried to talk things over with her many times and every time she concludes that she's confused and we get nowhere. She plays mind games as well, by ignoring her I'm no longer subject to her mind games and I feel better about myself that I'm not waiting hand and foot on her.
Do you still disagree? If so, why?

Rune Beast0 · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 4:10 pm

Personally I'd say if you even have to ask a question like this that you should just move on.

I don't know your actual feelings for her though, so it's hard to answer a question like this accurately.

Unbirthday · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 8:18 pm

Rune Beast0 wrote:

Personally I'd say if you even have to ask a question like this that you should just move on.

I don't know your actual feelings for her though, so it's hard to answer a question like this accurately.

You're totally right. . . not knowing my feelings for her totally prevents you from answering this question:

What's your view on tough love? Do you think it works or no? Do you think it works more times than it doesn't work?
So what is your view on tough love? Family use? Relationship use? Pet use? Any other use?

This lad is spot on! :roll:

No, really though. =D>

jointntoday · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 8:27 pm

Zac Glenn wrote:

So what is your view on tough love? Family use? Relationship use? Pet use? Any other use?

tough love, yeah i think it works. to me its pretty much you cant have your cake and eat it to.
i think it works great for pet use, ie your dog wants to eat everything you eat, go every where you go, but if you let your dog do what ever it wants your soon its ***** and it rules over you, now that doesnt mean you dont love your dog, it just tough love.

my sister is kind of going thur the same crap as you, but she is preg with his kid, and he(her BF) likes to get stoned and drink way to much to have a kid and stuff. so she is trying to use tough love to get him to change ( like spending weeks with us and away from him..*help me!*)
but she is slowly learning he is a no good pile of ****

not like i've been trying to tell her that all along :roll:

...anyway...

yeah, i think tough love works when used right.

Unbirthday · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 8:47 pm

jointntoday wrote:

Zac Glenn wrote:

So what is your view on tough love? Family use? Relationship use? Pet use? Any other use?

tough love, yeah i think it works. to me its pretty much you cant have your cake and eat it to.
i think it works great for pet use, ie your dog wants to eat everything you eat, go every where you go, but if you let your dog do what ever it wants your soon its ***** and it rules over you, now that doesnt mean you dont love your dog, it just tough love.

my sister is kind of going thur the same crap as you, but she is preg with his kid, and he(her BF) likes to get stoned and drink way to much to have a kid and stuff. so she is trying to use tough love to get him to change ( like spending weeks with us and away from him..*help me!*)
but she is slowly learning he is a no good pile of ****

not like i've been trying to tell her that all along :roll:

...anyway...

yeah, i think tough love works when used right.

"to me its pretty much you cant have your cake and eat it to."
That's exactly what I was thinking! That's funny because I used that same line with one of my friends while explaining the story to them. She can't have me and talk to other guys, and for you, he can't act like he doesn't have a kid and smoke/drink and have the benefits of having a kid. One or the other.

Chief Snake · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 9:30 pm

Zac Glenn wrote:

You're totally right. . . not knowing my feelings for her totally prevents you from answering this question:

What's your view on tough love? Do you think it works or no? Do you think it works more times than it doesn't work?
So what is your view on tough love? Family use? Relationship use? Pet use? Any other use?

This lad is spot on! :roll:

No, really though. =D>

He is, actually; I completely agree with Rune Beast and was going to say something similar but had to stop myself because it would not have sounded half as nice.

To answer your question, I think this "tough love" is immature and stupid, and it does not work - its name alone is oxymoronic! A relationship of tough love is a false relationship; if you really love your girlfriend as you say you do, you would not be doing this to her. I would not want to be your girlfriend.

Unbirthday · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 11:06 pm

Chief Snake wrote:

Zac Glenn wrote:

You're totally right. . . not knowing my feelings for her totally prevents you from answering this question:

What's your view on tough love? Do you think it works or no? Do you think it works more times than it doesn't work?
So what is your view on tough love? Family use? Relationship use? Pet use? Any other use?

This lad is spot on! :roll:

No, really though. =D>

He is, actually; I completely agree with Rune Beast and was going to say something similar but had to stop myself because it would not have sounded half as nice.

To answer your question, I think this "tough love" is immature and stupid, and it does not work - its name alone is oxymoronic! A relationship of tough love is a false relationship; if you really love your girlfriend as you say you do, you would not be doing this to her. I would not want to be your girlfriend.

Lol you don't get it either. It's not about my girlfriend.

How about a mother using tough love on her son who does drugs. She cuts off all money ties in hopes to get him to quit drugs or enter drug rehabilitation?
What you're saying is that his mother and father should just give up on him and leave him to drug himself.

Chief Snake · **Posted:** October 7th, 2008, 11:51 pm

Umm.. Sorry, but if tough love is cutting off all money ties in hopes to get him to quit drugs or enter rehab, are you trying to tell me that LOVE is giving up on him and leaving him to destroy his life perhaps in the hopes that one day he will realise that what he's doing is wrong?

I would personally assume that if you love someone, you care about them... Once again we return to tough love being oxymoronic.

Unbirthday · **Posted:** October 8th, 2008, 12:08 am

Chief Snake wrote:

Umm.. Sorry, but if tough love is cutting off all money ties in hopes to get him to quit drugs or enter rehab, are you trying to tell me that LOVE is giving up on him and leaving him to destroy his life perhaps in the hopes that one day he will realise that what he's doing is wrong?

I would personally assume that if you love someone, you care about them... Once again we return to tough love being oxymoronic.

"are you trying to tell me that LOVE is giving up on him and leaving him to destroy his life perhaps in the hopes that one day he will realise that what he's doing is wrong?" No I was saying, this is what you're saying.