story.

This is the prologue of a story I wrote. Please tell me if its good. Prologue:



Now, at one point in life everything comes together. This is a story that starts out with three events happening at almost the same time.



First, a young boy (maybe the age of thirteen) was practicing swordplay with his teacher, when he slipped. His sword went flying through the air, and the blade went right into the window, but the window did not shatter.


Second, a cloaked assassin had his bow aimed at his target. He shot, but right when it was passing in front of the window, a sword mysteriously stuck right out of the window, and the arrow clanked of the sword and fell to the ground.



Third, a man in a blue robe and a beard was standing near a building, when he heard a loud “thud!” coming from behind him. He turned, and he saw an assassin dodging behind the building and fleeing. He also saw the arrow lying on the ground, and the sword sticking out of the window, and understood. He reached into his pocket, and took out a small torch. Then he swirled his hand near the torch, and suddenly the torch flared with the light of the flames. He finally took at small pouch out of his pocket, and, as he threw the torch onto the building, poured the pouches contents on the flames. He then mysteriously “floated” to the roof of the building. He snickered as an evil grin spread across his face.

I understand that you want to make this prologue sound mysterious, but it doesn't really.

First off: never say "this is a story about blahdeblahdeblah" because that is what you want the reader to 1) figure out, or 2) want to figure out.

Second: try not to make a list of what happens. It makes transitions choppy and it made me feel like I was in a car that was constantly going and braking. Get rid of the "first, second, finally, etc" that you have.

Third: Add a bit more description about each little scene. They're each unique because they lead up to the final scene with the robed man, so describe more about each one before jumping the gun and going to the next. It's all action after action right now, and while that writing tactic is effective, it isn't in this context. You have the plain batter, now add some sugar to make it taste better. Here's a quick example:

A small boy, his eyes still sparkling with youth, swung his sword up in an arc to catch his mentor's slash right before it landed upon his head. A loud smack rang through the air as wood met wood. Panting, the boy broke out of the stance and ran back a few paces, carefully taking in his teacher's appearance in order to percieve some sort of weakness in the old, but strong stature. He had only little precious time to do so though before his teacher charged at him again. Without enough time to think, the boy tried to slide under the strike but his mentor's sword caught him unnoticing under his leg. With a yell, he did a grand flip up into the air, his sword shooting out of his grasp as he tried to position himself for a safety roll - hands flat in front of his chest as he had been taught. His palms met the ground with a slapping noise and he twisted his body over to get up. He waited for the sword point to meet his throat as it always had when his mentor won, but it never came. Startled, he glanced at his teacher and saw him looking over at the battle school building. The boy quickly stood up to look at what happened and a gasp caught in his throat as he saw what was astounding his teacher so much: his sword had cleanly punctured the glass in a window, but the window was still intact, and the glass had not broken.

Okay I went a bit overboard there, but you should get my point. One more thing - don't use quotes when you use onomatopoeia's.

Editing's the easy part. Thinking of the plot is the hard one.