A poem I worte when I was in jail and lost custody of my dau

Bloodwolf · **Posted:** July 17th, 2007, 10:39 am

Your Father’s Love
Written By: Paqtism

Today I lost the rights to my daughter,
I guess that’s what happens when you’re a bad father!
I tried to be the best that I could,
If I could’ve done better believe me I would!
Today is more sadness and more pain,
Even in jail it still has to rain!
In the middle of the night I hear my babies cries,
With each day that passes my hope dies!
Wondering if I’ll ever see her again,
Before my time comes to an end!
It will be a pity and I’ll be really sad,
I might even get a little bit mad!
No need to fear we’ll soon rejoice,
It will be up to my daughter and only her choice!
If I had it my way she would be safe with me,
But for now, all I can do is pray that she’s happy!
Catherine, my baby, my precious little dove,
You will forever have your father’s love!
Written On: 09/29/2000.DGBD Inc.

Adbot · **Posted:** July 17th, 2007, 10:39 am

Alex 43 · **Posted:** July 17th, 2007, 3:27 pm

You're really into poetry, it looks like. So am I.

That is a nice poem. It rhymes, which is always good for emotion; the entire thing sticks to the topic and relates; and I like how it doesn't actually conclude - that the situation remains static even after the poem takes place. You're a good writer.

A word of advice, however. A poem is a lot more effective if each line has the same number of syllables. I was looking at this one and found some lines took longer to speak then others, as there were more words and syllables.

Don't get me wrong. It's a good poem nevertheless. For the future, though, give it a try and see how it works.

Bloodwolf · **Posted:** July 17th, 2007, 3:32 pm

cool thanks for the info

HappiestMaul · **Posted:** July 31st, 2007, 5:09 pm

Its a nice poem, i like it.