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 Post subject: Book One: The Prophecy
PostPosted: May 12th, 2007, 3:28 pm 
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Table of Contents
Prologue

EDITED:
Prologue:
Long ago, in the world of Gielinor, there reigned a corrupt king by the name of Valikor. Though, there was a time before Valikor was the evil king he now is. Before stones of fire rained from the sky. Before the seas filled with lava. Before the lives of innocents were spilled…Before the three stones were collected. You see, there were three stones that were spread across the world. The stones were filled with the powers of the Gods, Saradomin the good, Zamorak the greedy and evil and Guthix the neutral. The stones were separated because of the War of the Gods. Zamorak wanted to be the only God in the world. To do that, he would have to kill Saradomin and Guthix. That is how the war broke out. Guthix, planned to kill the two other Gods and himself with a giant meteor he summoned to fall onto Gielinor. The other Gods saw the meteor and they trapped their spirits and powers into stones before they were killed. The three stones were spread across the world. This was much before the setting of our story. Of course, even though the people of Gielinor thought this was a myth, Valikor believed it. Our story is set during The Gielinor World War. Where there was West Territory and East Territory and where they were at war with each other. Here is our story of seven heroes, one evil king, and the end of a world.


Constructive Criticism greatly appreciated. I will write more later.

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Last edited by Besadon on May 13th, 2007, 8:17 am, edited 3 times in total.

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 Post subject: Register and login to get these in-post ads to disappear
PostPosted: May 12th, 2007, 3:28 pm 
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PostPosted: May 12th, 2007, 3:43 pm 
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It's good so far, i would recommend that you make sure your grammer is up to scratch before you post it. There are better words that you can use that fit into the story the same way, but just sound better. If you are trying to use descriptive language, dont go at it like a bull at a gate, you dont need to use all the descriptive language in the first chapter, let alone the proluge. The proluge is to get people wanting to read you story, so spread all the descriptive language out, and people will still recognize it.

Good stuff so far, looking forward to the rest...

~burnt

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PostPosted: May 12th, 2007, 4:48 pm 
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Ok, so I should just...not use descriptive words in prologue but more descriptive in story?

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PostPosted: May 12th, 2007, 5:31 pm 
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Keep the descriptions. However:

-Don't start sentences with "And" or "Anyway".
-Watch out for unneeded caps.
-Don't over-repeat words (much, much, much).
-Check for places where commas are needed.

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PostPosted: May 13th, 2007, 6:09 am 
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bluebrisingr wrote:
-Don't over-repeat words (much, much, much).

That's a hard one when writing stories, I always tend to get paranoid with speech, thinking I use "spoke, whispered, etc" too often.

I like the story, should be an interesting read. As for the title, there's not really that much given to think of one.

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PostPosted: May 13th, 2007, 10:47 am 
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Honestly, the first chapter was an onslaught of names and stuff. I think rather than saying the entire history all at once, let things come gradually later on. :) Good work.

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 Post subject: Register and login to get these in-post ads to disappear
PostPosted: May 13th, 2007, 10:47 am 
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