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Feedback, you say? I'll say that that's a good poem. Not the best I've ever read, mainly because of the different sized stanzas just not flowing properly as I read it. Otherwise, the idea's there, and I can somewhat see what you're expressing.
Right, now that that's done, I'm gonna make fun of it a bit entirely out of humor purposes. Take no offense, please.
When your dreams are nightmares
You gotta stop watching channel 6 news.
No ones seems to care
That there's an arrow sticking out of your head ...
They leave you here all alone
Because it's the middle of the night! Go to bed!
With your mind of stone
You blockhead, you ...
They're taking our lives
But not our continues!
On the hell's path they drive
*As wife* Jon, we are seriously lost! Just let me have that map!
They bring me on the evil
... I'm supposing this means they're bringing him the platform in which he's supposed to stand on, and then it is placed on the essence of evil ...
Along with the Devil
Squish.
Trying to make you collapse
And trip, and fall, and roll, and bounce, and tumble, and fling, and fly, and splat on the wall.
I'm your wrath
'Good evening'.
I'm stopping your heart
And giving it a speeding ticket.
I'm your vengeance
Don't you just HATE me?
I'm your worst nightmare
He's Steven Harper?
I'm your pride
No, can't be Steven Harper ...
I'm your DARKEST SIDE
Oh geez, it is!
Back in earth
Tripping in mud puddles is FUN!
I must follow the heart
And hope you get a straight flush.
But all I can see is total horror
Darn, only a 3 of a kind!
Open the hell's doors
Blow a raspberry and run!
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Said the deaf man.
Dont let it be...
The deaf man is transformed into a lamp.
They bring me on the evil
Can't you walk?
Along with the Devil
Lazy bums, can't even walk ...
Trying to make me collapse
Well, duh? Maybe if you worked your legs out a bit, it wouldn't be as easy for them.
I'm your hate
You're McDonalds?
I'm your faith
... you're Harveys?
I'm your anger
And now you're Burger King?
I'm your soul's keeper
... Macintosh?!?!?
I'm your DARKEST SIDE
No, definitely McDonalds ...
Now, I realize this is the end
Not really, there's still 20 lines left ...
All this **** I cannot stand
He'll never be satisfied until he can find a 5-star hotel.
Oh god help me
Travelosity is not working on this computer!
I DONT WANNA LET IT BE
Death to all gnomes!
I
Is the 9th letter of the alphabet.
Have lost
The game. You can not win the game! It is destiny for you to lose!
The reason
... er ... because it's the game?
To live
Is a sin! Nah, not really, but it is. ... nah, not really.
But
It is!
I cannot
Get this stupid 'enter' button to stop sticking!
DIE
Ok, ok! I'll stop! ... in 10 more lines.
I'm your pain
The Liberal government?!?
What you have to gain
50 pounds of muscle and a triple-digit weekly paycheck.
I'm your greed
You're a game boy advance now?!? Stop changing into stuff!
Your wrath is what I feed
... feed what? Your dog? Your infant? Your printer?
I'm your death
McDonalds again.
What you want I can get
Yeah, definitely McDonalds. I'll stick with that.
I'm your only friend
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Look foward
Oh my word, it's true! McDonalds is ... is ...
All in all
... the world!
IM YOU!
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... never mind, this poem doesn't make any sense anymore.
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