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Alex 43: NO LIMITS!
It's time for Manya Rates your Stories! ... again!
Staring Manya, and our special guest (well, not really "guest"), Gia!
Manya: Hey, guys. We've got a terrific show today, even though we haven't done it yet.
Gia: Isn't the guest supposed to talk first?
Manya: Not on MY shows!
Gia: Hmm. I don't feel comfortable being part of your activities besides cooking ... well, maybe even that too.
Alex 43: Yeah. Manya was working on a 3-chicken pyramid-block fork-frenzy. He chops them all up into cubes of equal size with the non-cubable pieces on the outsides, and makes it into a pyramid. Then he pours sauce and gravy over it and hands out forks.
Manya: Hey, HEY. This is Manya Rates your Stories, not Manya Tells you how to Feed Stuff.
Gia: I don't feel very good.
The Adventures of Momsrascal92
Alex 43: Didn't we just do this one?
Manya: No, it's a second version.
Alex 43: Oh good. Now we can see if she learned anything from last time.
Cat Girl Warrior Extraordinaire
Manya: Apparently not.
Gia: Now now, that's just the title.
Part 2:Dark Rascal’s Creation
Alex 43: She also made a pyramid of food blocks, except with apples and caramel syrup.
Gia: Now THAT sounds good.
Manya: Meanie.
Momsrascal had finally gotten used to being half cat.
Manya: Aside from the dogs hanging off her various limbs.
Alex 43: And the fact that tall grass made her go berserk.
Gia: I wasn't here last time. Which half is she?
Alex 43: I forgot. The internal half, methinks. That would explain how she jumped nicely last time.
In fact, It was as if she were that way her whole life.
Manya: ... hmm, no, that's right. She said it correctly. So why do i have the feeling she didn't?
Gia: Because the "I" in "It" is capatalized, making it seem like a new sentence.
Alex 43: Wow, I totally didn't notice that. Of course, I would've if I GOT TO READ FOR ONCE.
Since she would now stand out in a crowd in an espionage mission,
Alex 43: Black knight, black knight, black knight, black knight, black knight, cat girl, black knight, black kni- UH OH!
Gia: Maybe she should wear black male armor.
she learned to stay out of sight like ninjas do.
Manya: By wearing black male armor.
Alex 43: And giving everyone tinted glasses.
The white knights now sent her on other missions as well.
Alex 43: ... OK, we're saying that she suddenly did the mission in the time that was the inevitable silence that was NOT the story in between part 1 and 2?
Gia: Maybe Manya was reading it too fast and we missed the entire thing.
Manya: No, it's not here. Her reconnaissance mission is now a thing of the past somehow.
Gia: I suppose that leaves us to now wonder how it went.
Alex 43: It went like this: She was sent to spy on the black knights and their sinister plans. She climbed the mountain without realizing she could have gone around, and in the process, scraped off both her knees and became crippled. She crawled her pitiful frame over to the black knight fortress, where she disguised herself as a 3 legged peddler selling Santa hats made entirely of cheese. They decided to make fun of her shoes, so they let her in and threw her into the broom closet, where she listened to their conversations and wrote it down with her own blood on a long slab of meat she conveniently had on her. Suddenly, the entire building toppled and fell over into Edgeville and she was released by a curious newbie who was looking for his pants. Then she ran over to Falador, breaking a leg and 5 arms in the journey, and gave the report. Then she died 4 days later from an eye infection.
Manya: ... works for me.
Gia: Yes, that's fine.
She was sometimes sent out to catch or assassinate dangerous criminals or track down missing people.
Alex 43: Or the first one leading to the second.
Gia: Or the second one leading to the first.
Manya: Or the first second one that came before the first one but after the second one leading directly before the second first one mentioned after the first one came into play right after the second one preceded the first and ultimately became the third, in which it-
Alex 43: Just keep reading.
The Mission
Manya: A FOUR-WORD MAYHEM!
Alex 43: We read the next paragraph four words at a time and alternatively complete it to make sense out of it somehow. You know, we should call this the "Four-Word-Frenzy". It sounds a lot better.
Manya: Nah, that wouldn't work.
Alex 43: Really? Four-Word-Frenzy. I like that. It's much better then Four-Word-Mayhem.
Manya: No, Four-Word-Mayhem is much better.
Alex 43: You sure? Four-Word-Frenzy rolls off the tongue MUCH easier.
Manya: YES, I'm sure.
Alex 43: Ok, fine. Let's get on with the ... Four-Word-Mayhem then.
Manya: Ok ... hey, Alex, I just got an idea.
Alex 43: Oh?
Manya: Instead of Four-Word-Mayhem, let's call it Four-Word-Frenzy!
Alex 43: ... no, that wouldn't work at all.
Gia: I think I'll just sit here in the corner and suck my thumb for a while.
Sir Vyvin called Momsrascal.
Alex 43: A poo-poo head. She slugged him right after.
“Yes, Sir Vyvin?” Momsrascal
Manya: Blurted out in his ear, causing permanent brain damage.
asked. “A few black
Gia: ... wait, am I part of this too?
Alex 43: Of course!
Gia: Oh ... um ... a few black SPIDERS are crawling all over your face!
Manya: He's a work in progress. Give him time.
knights along with two
Alex 43: Big barrels of Asgarnian Ale! BONUS!
Zamorokian mages have infiltrated
Manya: That broom cupboard behind you.
Falador. I will send
Gia: Word to Varrock to prepare to own two kingdoms after we get owned.
you with a couple
Alex 43: Hundred thousand billion fufillion sha-zillion-
mages from our ranks
Manya: *As Momsrascal* That's a lot of mages!
as well as one
Gia: Small dog. Good luck.
of our best white
Alex 43: Porcelean tea-cups for tea when you get thirsty.
knights. We need you
Manya: To GET OFF MY FOOT!
to stop these invaders.
Gia: And taunt them so much that they'll wet themselves.
good luck.” Sir Vyvin
Alex 43: Finally finished talking! Thank goodness!
explained her mission.
Manya: The Four-Word-Mayhem only lasts for an entire paragraph because of time issues. Good luck. And that's the end of this one. Let's keep going.
Gia: Aw, that was actually sort of fun.
“If this is supposed to be an invasion then why did they only send
Alex 43: 2 drunks to invade us?
Manya: *As knight* I think Sir Vyvin is over-reacting.
five units!?” a mage yelled.
Manya: Because it's funny.
Gia: He wants them to become heroes and doesn't want to pay as many people.
Alex 43: You're getting good at this, Gia.
“I think they are toying with us…”Momsrascal theorized.
Manya: As a water balloon smacked her in the face.
Alex 43: *As child black knight* Hah hah, I got you! Victory for the Black Knights!
An earth blast by a Zamorokian mage
Gia: Backfired on him and he got squished by a 3-ton rock.
knocked off the head of the Saradomin statue.
Alex 43: Suddenly, all heck broke loose!
Manya: Falador, it was nice knowing you.
The mages cast continuous waves of spells upon the evil mages. Momsrascal drew her swords and slid them into the grates of a black knight’s helmets, stabbing him in the face.
Manya: Now, see, I TOTALLY wouldn't have thought of doing that. I would always just take a big hammer, hit them in the shin, and as they fall over in pain, I pull their helmet and chest plates off and THEN I stab them.
Gia: You can learn anything from anywhere.
She cut off head of an other after sneaking behind him.
Manya: What's an "other"?
Alex 43: A female otter that gave birth at least once.
Manya: ... this story doesn't make sense any more.
The white knight Vyvin sent with her was dead.
Alex 43: Turns out they're not immortal after all. You owe me 500 coins, Manya.
Manya: ... we never shook hands, you know.
Alex 43: Yes, we did!
Manya: Nope! Nope!
Gia: Guys ... since when do Saradominists gamble?
Alex 43: ... you're right. We never shook hands.
Manya: Yes we did!
He was lying next to a black knight.
Gia: Since his armor was white, he wasn't getting as much of a tan as the black knight, who wears black armor. The color black absorbs sunlight along with the heat much better then white.
Alex 43: I guess that's why they're always bad-tempered.
Both had swords through their chests, indicating that they had stabbed each other. The corpse of the black knight was later burned while the white knight was buried.
Gia: You see? The black knight burned because of the heat.
Manya: I hate it when you're smart.
The Planning
Manya: First, Gia stops being smart. Next, we plant a bunch of fire wave runes next to the Zamorakian temple, pull the string, and blow the place to the divine beyond.
Alex 43: I guess this way, Momsrascal doesn't have to keep track of chapter numbers.
“There doesn’t seem to be any stopping this girl… If this keeps up the black knight’s ranks will be destroyed!
Alex 43: What ranks?
Manya: *As Pker Smack* Yeah, what ranks?
Gia: Then STOP SENDING BLACK KNIGHTS!
I had big plans for the Black Knight’s too…” Zamorok was thinking to himself.
Manya: Two words:
Alex 43: Carpet Salesmen!
Momsrascal was a threat to his nefarious deeds that would become increasingly worse if he didn’t do something.
Gia: He could always just get a bunch of rangers to snipe her with a bow while hiding.
Alex 43: Yeah, but that's not evil enough for Zamorak.
Suddenly, he started putting together a plan.
Alex 43: Involving a bunch of fire wave spells and the Zamorak temple.
The Creation
Manya: It's ALIVE!
Gia: What is?
Manya: ... I dunno. That dust ball in the corner of the room there.
Gia: I thought I did this one! *Runs to sweep*
That night when Momsrascal was fast asleep, Zamorok had extracted some of Momsrascal’s negative emotions like anger or hate.
Gia: Well geez, he could've just extracted her entire life force while he was at it.
Manya: Yeah, but that's ALSO not evil enough for Zamorak.
He formed the negative energies in a Momsrascal shadow. It looked like the shadow you see outside when the sun is out.
Alex 43: Is this in the same room as Momsrascal is or did he move to a top secret laboratory or something?
Manya: Let's pretend that he's doing it in the Rising Sun Inn while getting drunk with Dwarven Stouts next to 2 beautiful women without a cent to their name but somehow are always able to look beautiful.
Gia: I don't like those kinds of humans. They always make me nervous when I'm around them.
Zamorok then added some of his own blood and said an incantation.
Alex 43: *As Zamorak* OOOOOOWWWWWCH, I'M BLEEDING!
Manya: *As Zamorak* Eeny meeny minny moe. Catch a dragon by the toe. If he hollers-
Gia: Please let go.
Manya: S-sorry! Sorry!
The shadow began to come to life, develop into a human, and grow cat ears and tail.
Manya: Wow. Even ZAMORAK screwed up!
It was still unresponsive at first though.
“Look up.” Zamorok commanded the newly born shadow being and she did.
Alex 43: Then she screamed her guts out.
She looked like Momsrascal but her eyes were blood red and her cat ears, tail and hair were as black as midnight.
Manya: Midnight in the SWC is usually very bright. Alex 43 meditates and the window above us shines as though the sun was hitting it.
Gia: She means the midnight SKY.
Manya: I totally wouldn't have guessed that, but that's effective nevertheless.
“Your name is…” Zamorok paused to think for a moment.
Alex 43: *As Zamorak* What was her name again? ... oh, geez. I know she's my greatest threat and very very annoying, but I ... just ... can't ... remember her name.
Manya: *As Zamorak* Ah, I'll call her Sally. That's a nice name. Arise, mighty Sally!
Gia: *Doesn't want to intimidate Zamorak*
“Dark Rascal.
Gia: Well, THAT'S original.
Your mission is to
Manya: Get me a donut and coffee at Tim Hortons. This will be very difficult because the lines are tremendously long. That's why I gave you that sword.
hinder if not put a stop to the interference with my plans.
Alex 43: He still can't remember her name.
Gia: I'd be honored to be forgotten by Zamorak.
There is a girl named Momsrascal who looks like you.
Alex 43: THAT'S it. That's her name.
Manya: Woo. Trumpets bellow and confetti flies. A parade is held in Zamorak's name all throughout northern Falador.
Gia: If that's the case, Manya, I wonder what happens when Zamorak actually kills her.
She is the biggest threat to us currently. Seek her out and stop her.”
Manya: *As Zamorak* Don't kill her or anything. Just stop her. Tie her shoelaces together in a triple knot so she can't move.
Alex 43: Then tie a herring on a string and attach that to the roof just above her. She'll be stopped for weeks before she starves herself to death.
Gia: I don't know why I am laughing at that.
Zamorok told her. “Yes sir.” Dark Rascal set out to go after her.
Will Momsrascal survive this new threat?
Manya: Well DUH! Of course she will! She's in the Eastern Project Round Robin, after all.
Gia: That's your way of saying that this cliffhanger is unnecessary?
Find out next time in Part 3!
Alex 43: Sure looks like it.
Gia: Can you leave me out of the part three?
Manya: Sure, Gia.
Again, proofreading it will make it perfect. I noticed that you also added some spacing to this one ... but then, that's probably because all the chapters were so short. Chapters shouldn't just be one paragraph. That sort of kills the point of them. Chapters are instead a series of paragraphs that relate to one event, and when they end, that means that something new is going to happen. You seem to have that idea down, but at least lengthen them a bit.
And yeah, read my previous rating over again for more advice you may have missed. That is all. GOODBYE! I'm off to finish my pyramid now.
Gia: Can you please at least keep the kitchen door closed so I can't smell it?
Manya: No. Dex likes the smell, so no. Go somewhere else or feel his wrath. *Runs out*
Gia: *Sighs and leaves, leaving Alex 43 alone*
Alex 43: ... well, that's it for this episode. Alex 43 ... all alone ... signing off now.
The views of blah blah blah are not blah blah blah. Whatever. You know how it goes. STOP TALKING TO ME!
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