Alex 43: And now, for another exciting (not really) episode (not really) of:
MANYA (not really) RATES (definitely not really) YOUR STORIES (NOT- ... never mind)
Staring the one (not really), the only (thank goodness), MANYA!
Manya: Is it just me, or did it take you a little bit longer to start the show this time?
Alex 43: Sorry, you woke me up at 11:00 pm waving a piece of paper around in your ... erm, hand.
Manya: Yes, it's a hand. What were you going to call it?
Alex 43: ... I don't know how I'm supposed to answer that. Anyways, you woke me up in the near-middle of the night just to do this show, so through fatigue, it would make sense why I'm slower then usual.
Manya: ... ... you know, maybe you're right. This isn't really a 'hand', is it?
Alex 43: Forget it. Let's just get this done.
Manya: Aw, I wanted to wave it in your face and watch your reaction.
Alex 43: My spear is 2 meters to the right of you. It jumps to my hand when I am aggravated. Let that be a warning.
Manya: Fair enough.
The Adventures of Momsrascal92
Part 3
Alex 43: Once again, we get to see if Momsrascal learned anything from last time.
Manya: Learned nothing. I wanna see if she actually READS these.
Dark Rascal watched Momsrascal carefully. “Target spotted…” , Dark rascal thought to herself.
Alex 43: Then she watched another target. "Target striped." she said.
Manya: Then she found another. "Target plaid with red and yellow stripes" she said.
“Time to kill… But first I have to think of a plan…”
Manya: *As Dark Rascal* Hmmm ... let's see ... yes, that might work ... mmm ... mm hmm ... yes ... no, not that ... no ... yes. Yes! Ok, I got it. I'll shoot her.
She almost said out loud.
Alex 43: Yeah, that sort of would've given her away, huh?
She reported back to Zamorok. “Back so soon?” Zamorok asked.
Alex 43: *As Zamorak* Wow! You ARE the best at fetching coffee for others!
Manya: Who's Zamor-ook?
“I have a plan to put a stop to Momsrascal and the white knights… I’ll require your help though.” Dark rascal offered.
Manya: You're NOT supposed to ask a God to help. You're supposed to ask them to DO IT for you so you can sit back, reap all the credit, and laugh at the sight, making it seem like you're the one that's making it happen.
“What’s your plan then?” Zamorok asked.
Alex 43: *As Dark Rascal* You make an army and we charge them.
Manya: *As Dark Rascal* We camp out at the lake for 3 days. If we do sight the red-winged blackbird, we take pictures and head back. If we don't, then we move location and camp for another 3 days.
The Plan
“First we wait until all the knights are asleep.
Alex 43: Then you stab them.
Manya: And shove McPetes hamburgers into their mouths and hope they die of food poisoning.
What few knights are awake at that time, I can easily sneak past them with out alerting anyone.
Manya: *As Dark Rascal* Provided, of course, that they are blind, deaf, and mute. If they aren't ... well, we're screwed then.
Then I kidnap Sir Vyvin and take him to…
Alex 43: The movies.
Manya: The prom- ... wait, what are movies?
Alex 43: Never mind. Must've dreamed it.
some place not in Falador.
Manya: She seems to have put a lot of thought into this plan.
Maybe on that mountain outside of black knight’s fortress.” Dark Rascal suggested. She thinks of pushing Momsrascal off the side of the mountain.
Alex 43: Seeing as the mountain is only at a 45 degree angle, she would only roll down without breaking anything.
Manya: Maybe she was hoping to aim for the Edgeville well?
She chuckled a bit at the idea.
Manya: Yeah, rolling Momsrascal down the hill and into the well sounds like a very funny idea.
“What’s so funny?” Zamorok asked.
Alex 43: *As Dark Rascal* There's a mosquito on your brain.
Manya: *As Dark Rascal* You're not wearing any pants.
“Oh nothing. Just a joke this guy in town told me.” She replied.
Alex 43: *As Zamorak* NO! You're a dark deity summoned by me clouded in darkness and sorrow symbolizing the hated fears of the individual you were created from! You're not supposed to be chatting with civilians!
Manya: Sounds like SOMEONE's not tired enough.
“Ok. What’s the next part of your brilliant plan?” Zamorok asks.
Manya: *As Dark* After kidnapping Sir Vyvin, we wonder just why we did that. Unable to find a reason behind it, we let him go and sit in the corner and suck our thumbs like wimps.
“We use Sir Vyvin as bait to lure Momsrascal.
Manya: Yes, we tie him onto a fishing pole and dangle it over Falador until she bites Sir Vyvin. Then we pull her up while she dangles by her teeth, release her, and watch her fall.
To keep the other white knights from assisting her you could send a lot of skeletal warriors into the castle to keep them busy.” Dark Rascal said.
Alex 43: Wouldn't the sounds of war wake up the whole darn castle?
Manya: Either that, or the big huge bell they ring when someone enters through the front gate that wakes up the whole town for no reason.
“Ok… But how are you going to kidnap Sir Vyvin? It’s not like kidnapping a princess.” Zamorok asked.
Manya: With lots and lots of duct tape!
Alex 43: And Limburger cheese.
“I could just knock him out, tie him up and gag him.” Dark Rascal suggested.
Manya: That would work, except for the knock him out bit. No knight, especially a captain, would allow himself to be KOed by a girl.
Alex 43: She could do that, OR Zamorak could just teleport him wherever he wants without Sir Vyvin nor his knights knowing, but that's not evil enough for him.
“All right. Sounds good enough to me. We proceed with your plan tonight!” Zamorok declared.
Alex 43: Actually, no they can't. Tonight's Karaoke night.
The plan put into action.
Alex 43: What do you think? Four-Word-Mayhem this?
Manya: I'm one step ahead of you!
Most of the white
Alex 43: Puppies had curly hair.
knights were asleep. Those
Manya: That were sleeping snored very loudly and annoyingly.
who were awake didn’t
Alex 43: Care whatsoever, and played their cymbals and drums at full extremity anyways.
seem all that attentive
Manya: To the fact that half of them were turning into werewolves.
either. She crept past
Alex 43: The donut shop with great hesitation and display of willpower.
them all. She snuck
Manya: The rum into her house to sell on the black market.
into Sir Vyvin’s room
Alex 43: Which was filled to the brim with golf balls.
ready to knock him
Manya: Down to the ground, step on his rib cage, jump on her heels, and dance the two-step on his flattened corpse.
out. Sir Vyvin awoke
Alex 43: With a bazooka whipped out from under his bedsheets and blew his lamp up instinctively.
about to scream! Before
Manya: He realized that he screamed like a girl,
he could utter a
Alex 43: Whole paragraph of the Holy Bible of Saradomin,
word he blacked out.
Manya: When he came to, he was surrounded by little furry rabbits.
Dark Rascal Tied him
Alex 43: To a train track.
up and gagged him
Manya: With her own sock.
in case he woke
Alex 43: Up and made rude noises at her.
up. She snuck back
Manya: To the donut shop.
out which takes a
Alex 43: Hundred thousand years to do.
lot of skill when
Manya: The person you're carrying weighs three hundred metric tonnes.
you are carrying a
Alex 43: Box of donuts under your nose.
hostage over your shoulder.
Manya: Hers, in particular, was dislocated.
She went out on
Alex 43: Patrol for the white knights, making a little extra cash on the side.
the bridge. “Hey! Some
Manya: Rat ate my cheese sandwich!
one kidnapped Sir Vyvin!”,
Alex 43: And that someone is standing right next to me!
a white knight yelled
Manya: Through the Horn of Glory.
from inside. Dark Rascal
Alex 43: Apologized and promiced she wouldn't do it again.
lit an explosive and
Manya: Wondered what an explosive was.
threw it. BOOM! Went
Alex 43: Her hand, half her arm, and several of her ribs.
the explosive. A white
Manya: Mushroom cloud loomed over the horizon in Varrock's direction.
knight called out Momsrascal.
Alex 43: "Come out to play ball with us!" he shouted.
“What is it…?”, Momsrascal
Manya: Asked as she shaved.
sleepily said. “Sir Vyvin’s
Alex 43: Having a BABY!
been kidnapped!” the white
Manya: Rabbit said. Everyone then wondered how it learned to speak.
knight urgently yelled into
Alex 43: Her ear, point blank.
her room. “What!?” Momsrascal
Manya: Yelled back point blank.
yelled as she got
Alex 43: A free bag of money!
dressed and got her
Manya: Shoelaces tied together by a crazy prankster.
two swords. “Where are
Alex 43: The bathrooms?!?
they now!?” Momsrascal demanded
Manya: A red wine appetizer followed by a small buttered toast and a bowl of broccoli cheese soup be brought to her immediately.
to know. “We just
Alex 43: Lost 3000 men trying to find your other shoe.
recived word that they
Manya: Are really good at shouting.
are outside black knight’s
Alex 43: Bicycle racks.
fortress. On that mountain.”
Manya: We have also received word that they are incredibly fast runners.
A knight replied.
Alex 43: Lied, tried, sighed, flied, cried, and died.
Manya: And that, unfortunately, is the end of the Four-Word-Mayhem. Any more, and I'm sure you'd have died from laughing.
The Encounter
Alex 43: That we're going to have with a riot demanding more four-word-mayhem.
Manya: Oh please, they're not going to go THAT far.
Momsrascal ran over the bridge and to the mountain outside black knight’s fortress. She saw Sir Vyvin’s captor.
Alex 43: *As Momsrascal* FIX IT!
Manya: *As Dark Rascal* It'll cost extra.
She also noticed the knidnapper’s cat ears and tail. “What the hell!?” Momsrascal thought.
Manya: *As Momsracsal* ... on second thought, never mind. It's a fashion trend now.
Sir Vyvin was tied to the white tree, “Let me go!” Sir Vyvin demanded.
Alex 43: Even though he knew that that wasn't going to do a thing but make his captor laugh and laugh.
Manya: Wait, maybe he is saying "let me go" in the sense that he really ... has to "go". Did Dark Rascal ever think of that?
Alex 43: Apparently not. And one carefully planned and horridly gross distraction later ...
Dark Rascal ignored him. She snapped her fingers and
Alex 43: Broke her nails, screamed in pain, tripped, fell down the mountain, rolled into the wilderness, and got TKed by the RuneHQ clan.
Manya: You just love making their simple actions turn into their own downfall, don't you?
10 skeletal warriors popped out of the ground. They all attacked her.
Manya: One at a time like those annoying kung fu shows or all together causing a massive doggie pile that usually cripples the protagonist in some way?
Momsrascal pushed 5 off of the slope and hacked apart the rest.
Alex 43: One at a time, I'm afraid.
Manya: Aww.
“Who are you?” Momsrascal asked. “My name is Dark Rascal! Remember it.” Dark Rascal replied.
Manya: You can see a lot of pressure is going to be put on Momsrascal now.
The white knights soon came.
Manya: Totally didn't see that coming.
Alex 43: Why can everybody run at the speed of sound in these stories?!?
Dark Rascal summoned more skeletal warriors to keep the white knights busy. She sent out two more two more skeletal warriors to keep Momsrascal busy.
Alex 43: While everyone was busy, she had tea and cookies.
Manya: She'd make a great hostess.
When she finished them off she went after Dark Rascal.
Alex 43: Dark Rascal killed her own skeletons and went after herself?
Manya: Gotta watch it, Momsrascal, when using pronouns.
She had her sword to Sir Vyvin’s throat.
Alex 43: ... ok, is this Momsrascal or Dark Rascal now?
Manya: Let's pretend that it's neither, and instead a lady named Cherry Heartswallop came out of nowhere with a dragon scimitar, an eye patch, and a peg leg with a variety of tattoos depicting scenes from the war of 255 AD.
“Take one more step and I’ll slit his throat!” Dark Rascal shouted. Suddenly in a turn of unlikely events,
Alex 43: This story started making sense!
Manya: Karl told you to say that somewhere in a story, didn't he?
Alex 43: Yeah, he did.
the arm of a skeletal warrior that a white knight just hacked off flew into Dark Rascal’s face.
Alex 43: Talk about having a taste of her own medicine.
It distracted her enough to move her sword from Sir Vyvin’s face.
Manya: Down to in his left lung.
This gave Momsrascal a chance to attack. She knock Dark Rascal off the cliff.
Manya: And she rolled into the well.
“Well I guess using skeletal warriors was a bad idea…” Dark Rascal muttered.
Alex 43: And there you go. Her plan was to push Momsrascal off the cliff, and she got pushed herself and she didn't even get scratched from it.
Manya: This story is spoofing itself.
Shadows opened up in the ground below her and she ended up right before lord Zamorok.
Alex 43: *As Lord Zamor-ook* You have failed an annoying simple plan because you didn't even try attacking Momsrascal yourself even though I had specially created you to do so. You're fired.
Manya: And she became a burger-flipper for the rest of her life. The End.
“That didn’t work out too well…” Dark Rascal said.
Manya: YA THINK?!?
Back at the mountain… Momsrascal untied Sir Vyvin. “That was weird.” Said a dwarf at the base of the mountain.
Alex 43: *As a dwarf* It's not every day you see a dark warrior composed out of sin summon a bunch of skeletons in an attempt to push a hero off the cliff, get thwarted by her own skeleton, get pushed off the 2 foot cliff herself, and ultimately give up because of it.
Manya: *As another dwarf* Yeah, they usually summon zombies. Much more structurally sound.
“Yep. Just keeps gettin’ weirder.” Said an other dwarf. “Are you ok?” Momsrascal asked Sir Vyvin. “Yeah.” Sir Vyvin Replied.
Manya: At least we can tell who's speaking.
The sun began to rise. Momsrascal couldn’t get back to sleep after that incident.
Manya: Mainly because it was daytime and the wake-up bell was clanging at an ear-splitting frequency.
It all didn’t make sense to her.
Alex 43: Why did the white knights have more bells the troops?
Manya: What did they ring if a bell was broken?
Why did Dark Rascal want her dead?
Alex 43: Because she's dark and evil. That's usually how it goes.
She would have never imagned the god of evil was after her. Then again no one really thinks that a god is out to get them.
Manya: *Sarcastically* HAW HAW HAW.
Alex 43: That was disturbing.
"I won't fail next time, Momsrascal..." Dark Rascal said to herself.
Alex 43: No. This time, I WILL screw up so bad that Zamor-ook will be so humiliated that he'll quit being a god.
Manya: A happy ending. Lovely.
Ok, momsrascal, here's the dig. After I put a space in my speech, that's the part you read for the rating. Don't think that all this does is mess around with your story. No, the spoofing is only because we get bored. We read the whole entire thing, word for word, and anything that doesn't make sense, we point out.
Anyways, learn to structure your work. Paragraphs, single speech segments. ALL of your work is in large clusters bunched together. It's impossible to tell what and when something is happening.
Usually new paragraphs signify something new happening or being described. Paragraphs are meant to wither describe a single thing or outline a series of uneventful events that makes the story proceed. Also, when people talk, it's proper format to make an extra paragraph just to support their speech. When someone else starts speaking, a new paragraph is formed. They are usually one sentence paragraphs, no matter how short the things they say are.
And lastly ... proofread. Read this rating if you don't want to read your work from start to finish. This is why we do this, so that you can read sentence for sentence, have a bit of a laugh in between, and catch your own errors red-handed.
It doesn't get easier then that, does it.
Alex 43: Can I go back to bed now?
Manya: Yes, go ahead. But before I go, let me leave you with one final tip that will perfect your stories-
*CLICK*
The views of Manya are not really my own. You can tell he has a totally different personality from myself, can't you? See, that's what you should look for is personality. When you find out that one character has a different personality then another character, then they ultimately are not the same characters. You will do good to remember that. NOW.
