Please note that the entire thing is mostly meant to be a joke. If you are offended by anything, why are you even reading it in the first place?Alex 43: And now, the product of too much spare time:
It's time for- ... erm ... huh, since we don't have Manya, I shouldn't call it that anymore. Actually, come to think of it, I haven't done one of these in a long time. Perhaps I should make this our swan song, then, since we've stopped doing them without Manya.
So, therefore, I hereby proclaim this: Our Grand Finale Of Ratings.
OGFOR ... og-for ... og-fur?
Yeah, that'll do.
Time to rate this thing!Dex: You dragged me in here for THIS?!?Alex 43: Think of it as a challenge.Dex: I think a "challenge" is more like figuring out which part of your body will best fit inside your head right now.Alex 43: That's not a challenge!Dex: ... you're right. It's too much easier when you do it a second time.Alex 43: Look, you sit with me on this, I promise that this time will be the very last.Dex: Not good enough. I will require sustenance.Alex 43: *Rolls eyes* Your favorite. Every day for the week.Dex: *Ears twitch* ... extra sauce?Alex 43: Extra sauce.Dex: *Ears twitch again* ... ... you absolutely sure this'll be the last time?Alex 43: Absolutely! Any others come my way, I'll do it myself. ... or get Gia to do it with me. But not you. Promise.Dex: Hmph. Fine, then, let's get this over with ... THE RETURN OF THE BEASTDex: I think I know how this one's going to end.
A dark presence comes, in the days of peaceDex: Wouldn't be a very exciting story if it didn't. That's the thing about history. If there wasn't any war, conflict, or anguish, there wouldn't be anything interesting to write about. Everybody would live meaningless existences without any knowledge of their past, nor the desire to learn it. That's why people fight them. As a lesson to tell other people not to do it, and to encourage them to fight more so they too can teach this same lesson to future generations. It's never gonna stop. If you wanna live, you HAVE to kill!Alex 43: ... I feel cold ...
A power-hungry army there shall beAlex 43: How can you eat power?Dex: I think the question is why are the people in power hungry?Alex 43: Maybe it's like power-napping. You nap very quickly to refresh yourself for the next few hours of the day.Dex: Ah. So, instead of 3 square meals a day, it's 10 triangle meals or something like that. Is that it?Alex 43: ... yeah, that didn't make sense to me either.
For thirty years living in frightAlex 43: Can't be good for the body.Dex: Thank whatever God there is in this story for extra-strength coffee ...
The future for humans doesn’t look very bright.Alex 43: Doesn't look very bright in reality, either.Dex: Oh, so you noticed?
A hero shall emerge from this place
And send the demons to the graveDex: Uh ... that totally doesn't rhyme.Alex 43: You think you can do better?Dex: Naturally:
A hero shall emerge from the depths of doubt,
To cast away the fears they could do without.Alex 43: Oh ... you can ...
But not until a tragedy occursAlex 43: He finds out he forgot his sword.Dex: Nice thing about being a majiya-master is that you CAN'T forget your weapon.Alex 43: Unless you're hit on the head several times.Dex: Would have to be deliberately ...
Until the life of the people are secured.Dex: "Lives". Until the "lives" of the people are secured.Alex 43: Unless everybody has a gemini twin in this story.Alex 43: Yay for empty space.Dex: It's fun to look at, isn't it?
It is a bright summer day, the sky is clear, and people are working in the field.Dex: All right. We've got a clear sky, a field, and people. All we need now is oxygen. ... which you failed to mention, so I'm automatically assuming there is none. Now everybody's dead due to suffocation. Good start, now we have a zombie story.
We head over to a small wooden house, and we see two women with one of them holding a baby boy.Alex 43: Their husband, as a result from lack of oxygen.Dex: Wait, hold on. "We see two women with one of "them"." So, there are three women, then. OK, got it. Sorry, I had to think for a moment. It would be easier if you just said there were three.
Mary: What a beautiful baby you have there Daisy.Alex 43: Mary and Daisy. Either this is in very early times in which very few names have been invented or in much later times where there are so many names that people can only remember the most basic.
Daisy: Thanks Mary he is the most beautiful boy in the world.Alex 43: She sounds fairly monotonic.Dex: Kids, has your mother been sounding ... well, normal lately? Almost so normal that it seems she'll never become interesting? If the answer is yes ... ... don't complain.
By the way have you seen Shane? He should have been back by now.Dex: SUSPENSE!!!
Mary: O don’t worry about Shane, he’ll be back after running those errands of yous. That husband of yours just loves to take his time.Dex: Hmph. Just when it was getting good ...Alex 43: Maybe he'll walk in with a dagger in his back.Man walks inDex: Let's automatically assume there's a dagger in his back because it doesn't say otherwise.
Shane: honey I'm home. Alex 43: Hey, Shane! There's somebody in this story with the same name as you!Dex: ... who are you calling?
I have the new baby coats that you wanted. Dex: What the heck do you need a coat for if it's a bright summer day?!?Alex 43: They're straightjackets.Dex: Ah. That solves one of life's mysteries ...Shows a red coat with a sword down the middle and white stars around the edges.
Dex: Mostly red due to the dagger in his back.Alex 43: And a sword down the middle.
Daisy: O, thanks honey that’s a great coat. Here give it to me.Alex 43: This right here is a Canadian scene. Newborn infant receiving his first coat.Dex: That third lady is awfully quiet ...
Mary: It looks lovely Shane. So have you guys come up with a name for your new baby boy yet?Dex: I hope they don't. Then we can refer it to a name of our own through the rest of this session.
Shane: Why no, we haven’t given it much thought.
Mary: Well you better.Dex: WHAT him better?Alex 43: Um ... maybe they're trying to drown him in a well?Dex: That'll work.
Shane: I don’t know… how about… Brad?Dex: I wouldn't call that "much thought" ...
Daisy: Brad… that sounds like a nice name, hello little Brad.Alex 43: And there you have it.Dex: Everybody in this story is blonde ...
Mary: All right time to leave you two love birds alone. Good bye Mary ExitsDex: Yeah, that third woman is definitely quiet. They don't even know she's in there.
Shane: O brad, you’ll have a very important role ahead of you. Here take this medallion. Dex: Only an infant and it's already collecting valuable artifacts. That's one devoted adventurer.Puts a medallion made of wood over brad’s head. It is made of a star of Saradomin in the center with 3 gems, an emerald on the left, a ruby on the right and a diamond right in the center pointing up. Alex 43: Except we don't know which way the amulet itself is pointing.Dex: It's pointing down. That way, the diamond points up, and therefore, through the back of the medallion and into Brad's head. Stays in place that way.
Shane: This way, you’ll always remember who you are. Alex 43: *Kid checks bloody hole in his head* Yup, I'm Brad, all right.A loud scream is heard
Enter MaryDex: They just realized there was a third woman in there.
Mary: Shane you better get out here!Alex 43: Shane does. He then realizes the problem, calmly sets Mary down, and briefly explains that rather than the front door, she had walked into the closet, and the sun did not, in fact, suddenly go out and cause a world-wide blackout.All three runs out, they see a volcano to the east gushing huge balls of lava. Dex: Sounds like the author got bored.Ashes spreads to the heavens, which then suddenly appears a demon clawing his way to the top and with a mighty roar the earth shakes violently.Dex: That ... made no sense.Alex 43: It's quite simple, Dex. The ladies made several whipped dressings out of ashes, to which they sent up to the heavens. The heavens then make a demon appear from itself, to which it claws its way to the top of the heavens despite it having no physical mass or existence. Then, upon realizing it didn't climb anything, the Earth shook violently with a load roar of disappointment.Dex: ... have you been eating ranarr straight from the vial again?
Shane: It has come, Daisy get Brad out of here. Get him to the king, keep going west and never look back. Alex 43: That's our Shane. He's gonna take on a volcano and the heavens all by himself!Dex: In comes the Bane of Shane. ... who IS Shane, anyways?toward the men from the village
To arms!Dex: Interesting human progress. In the time frame to which Shane gives a pendant to Brad, the field has suddenly transformed into a village with warriors.Alex 43: Is nothing sacred?All the men from the village runs to grab their armor and weapons.Dex: "Run". From the village "run" to grab their armor. Next time I have to do this, I won't.
Daisy: Be careful Shane!Alex 43: He doesn't have to be careful. He's got so many rippling muscles that the volcano will simply get absorbed into them.Dex: Who the heck is Shane?!?
Shane: I’ll be all right! Just get brad out of here! Alex 43: The demon's coming for the baby! All men who were once children, sacrifice your pitiful lives so this kid can potentially become the messiah that evidently brings the world to ruin with his wrong and greedy future decisions!Dex: Let's call the demon "Richard".Daisy runs back and gathers some food and whatever money was left around the house.Alex 43: They live in a 6-storey luxury mansion, so this takes 3 days.She quickly ran outside and put brad into a little cart and headed west. Alex 43: Isn't that where the volcano is?Dex: The closer he is to danger, the farther he is from harm. Don't you know ANYTHING, Alex?Alex 43: Apparently I don't.For forty days and forty nights, they have been on the road under freezing temperatures and surrounded by hungry wolves. Dex: Women drivers ...Finally they reach the king’s castle. Daisy burst open the door to an astonished crowed and king.Alex 43: You bet they're astonished. A lone women and baby got through all their security, defenses, and barricading.Dex: After being on the road for 40 days with a kid in the back, a woman can do "anything" ...
Daisy: King Kulla, we need your help.Alex 43: And she can still speak.Dex: Case and point.Dex: ... all right, what IS that?Alex 43: Looks like a ... drawing.Dex: ... ah. Oh, NOW I see. Clever ...
King: Daisy? What happened! Get the doctor now! Quick get them to the guest room.Alex 43: That's a good king if he knows the names of all the local peasants.Dex: Not if it's only female ones ...Servants carry both upstairs. Dex: No, Alex, that's a BAD king if he's got servants holding up the second and third floors ...Alex 43: You'd think somebody knew how to build a pillar back then?
Lord: Sir, do you know this woman?Alex 43: *As king* No, I just like to call everybody I see Daisy.
King: of course I do. She is the wife of Shane.Dex: WHO IS SHANE?!?
Lord: The Shane?!Alex 43: Makes him sound like a creature.
King: Aye, the same Shane.Dex: Let me get this straight. Shane is a ... mythological beast capable of absorbing volcanos into its muscles.Alex 43: Yeah, except replace "beast" with "man".Dex: What? Same thing, isn't it?
Lord: Then that must be their child.Alex 43: Uh, no, Shane's the husband.
King: that’s what I assume. How strange…Dex: *As King* They ran for 40 days and 40 nights without eating anything and still had energy to literally "burst" into the throne room. Yes, that's strange.
Lord: My lord?Alex 43: No, Shane's the husband.
King: they had a child before, but it died during child-bearing a year ago next week. I need to talk with her, call me when she wakes.Dex: It died during child-bearing a year ago "next week"? What?!?Alex 43: Um ... apparently their "years" are only 3 days long.Dex: Oh.
Lord: Yes my lord.Alex 43: No, Shane's the husband!Dex: I can see where this is going ...3 hours pass. We arrive in the gust room. Dex: Who's "we"?Alex 43: Obviously the guy who's telling the story.Dex: Story-teller. Name: Bwen Ami. Likes chocolate-covered fish. Needs a facial big-time. Done.Daisy is just waking up from her slumber. The room has a vibrant yellow from the setting sun. Alex 43: I dunno, I find sunsets are usually red.Dex: Not necessarily. It says "vibrant". See, if you shake your head really really fast, your eyes move along with the intercepting wavelengths and it does appear yellow.Alex 43: I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I se-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!A servant is bringing in some food and in the far corner a nurse is feeding the baby.Dex: RAW MEAT!Alex 43: And beer!
King: Hello again Daisy.
Daisy: My lord.Alex 43: No, Shane's the husband.Dex: Yes, we get it.
King: here you must be hungry, here have some wine Alex 43: Wine: Not something I'd eat if I was hungry.Dex: You need to eat it right if you want it to be food. Plus he unnecessarily says "here" twice.Alex 43: Obviously he's giving her a double-chalice.Pours wine into a chalice
King: I’ve asked the gnomes to send a glider force toward your village. They should return in a few weeks. Dex: Volcano VS gliders. Stretch-skin gliders. Incredibly flammable stretch-skin gliders. Incredibly flammable, fragile, vulnerable, low-riding, uncontrollable, life-threatening EXCUSES-Alex 43: Dex, it only happened once!Dex: BUT IT STILL HAPPENED! I COULD'VE DIED! What's your excuse there? "Oh, I would've only died once?"Alex 43: Just ... forget it.Dex: They're crashing. I don't care if it really happens in the story or not, but they're crashing.
Daisy: Thank you my lord, and-Dex: THEY CRASHED!Alex 43: *Jumps off his seat*
King: please Daisy, no need for formality here. Call me Kulla, we’ve known each other long enough haven’t we?Alex 43: 2 minutes, 43 seconds.Dex: Humans ...
Daisy: Kulla, have you seen Brad?Dex: Yeah, when you get that hunch that you forgot something, that usually means you did, Daisy. So sorry.
Nurse: He is right here milady. Would you like to hold him?Alex 43: Brad is then held. At bow-point.Daisy nods and the nurse puts the baby in her arm.Dex: Now, NOBODY say "oops" ...
King: So is this your and Shane’s child?
Daisy: well… yes and no.Alex 43: It's mine. All mine. Not Shane's. MINE!
King: What do you mean?Daisy glances toward the other 2 people.Dex: She's been having AFFAIRS!
King: leave us.Servant and nurse exits, the two begins to talk but it is inaudible.Alex 43: Yeah, but not to us. We're omniscient.Dex: And good-looking.Three weeks have passed and we are in a court room. Inside we see daisy with her child sitting at the right of the king and in the center of the court are a group of gnomes.Alex 43: The heck? No! We must know!!!Dex: What are you arguing about? We're still good-looking, aren't we?Alex 43: Yeah, but the gnomes survived.Dex: ... they are undead.
Gnome leader: Dex: Who is, in fact, undead and resurrected by dark and evil magics.
We tried to reach the village, but the ashes made it difficult to fly in our glider. Dex: Common sense at last.
We traveled for about two days on foot and we saw the village on top of a mountain. We notice demons in the area. Dex: Again, common sense would lead them to believe that if they see demons, they shouldn't be walking in that direction. But noooo ...
They were forcing the captured humans to dig in the mountain. Alex 43: I sense a plot device.Dex: Or very lazy demons.
In the center, we could see an army of lesser gathering up. Alex 43: And nobody has a multicannon?Dex: That's the annoying thing about fictional stories, Alex. Cannons do NOT solve all the world's problems in one go.Alex 43: Yeah, I know. ... wish they could, though ...
They seem to be assembling to assault the other villages in the area.Dex: And it used to be such a nice field in the beginning ...
King: Do you know what they are digging for?Alex 43: One of them lost a contact lens.
Gnome: we’re not sure, it must be an important find because they are working the villagers to death. Dex: Not very tactical for production and efficiency, unless they're going to raise skeleton miners or something.
Daisy: Sir, if I may, did you manage to see my husband Shane?Dex: *As king* Is he nine feet tall, has brown fur, wears gloss-grease all over muscles that transcend 3-foot thick metal cables that prevent his rippling abs from consuming the immediate space around them into a parallel dimension, and liked to fart a lot?Alex 43: *As Daisy* Uh, yes?Dex: *As king* Hold your breath and turn around.
Gnome: no milady. We have to assume that he is dead. Alex 43: Seeing as the gnome is undead at the moment, that's a good assumption.Dex: Except Shane doesn't die. He "exchanges".Alex 43: ... ... ... ... WHAAAAT?!?!?Daisy storms out of the room crying and heads toward the backyardDex: Does she ever go anywhere without using aggressive force?Alex 43: You know, I do wonder what happened to that third woman.
King: thank you sir, please follow this gentleman and you shall receive your pay.Alex 43: So said with a moment of intentional hesitation and dark backdrop.Dex: Sort of unnerving how nobody ever says "you shall receive your 'money'". It's always "pay" or "reward", as though there's room for interpretation. Intentionally.
Gnome: Thank you sir. Alex 43: Farewell, fair undead evil dark gnome.Gnomes leave and the king heads to find Daisy. The king embraces Daisy.Alex 43: *As king* Stand still so I can find you easier.Dex: I'm assuming she never made it to the garden, then?
Daisy: Brad still has an important job a head of him.Alex 43: Subliminal message there. He's about to become the head of some big organization.Dex: Or his job involves decapitation.
King: I know, we’ll train him well.Alex 43: You're supposed to RAISE a child, not "train" it.Dex: Humans ...A man approachesDex: They really need to beef up their security ...
Stranger: my lord gives a saluteAlex 43: No, Shane's the husband.Dex: Really, Alex?
King: Meet Mike, he’s one of my most powerful warriors. Mike, this is daisy and her little boy Brad.Alex 43: Give him a bicycle pump and that's all about to change ...
Mike: charmedDex: Hah, the baby threw the amulet at Mike. CHARMED!
King: mike you are to train this boy into a warrior. Use whatever resources you need.Dex: *As Mike* Sire, did I do something to upset you?
Mike: Yes my Liege.
King: You shall begin when he’s turns six months old, dismissed. Alex 43: And so they just stand there for 6 months.Dex: 6 months of raw meat and beer later ...Mike gives a salute and leaves.
King: have hope Daisy, have hope.Alex 43: He's giving her double-hope.Dex: What a spoiled brat ...We move to a new area. The place is dark with only three torches for light. Alex 43: Curse you, Mitchellson Torches™!Dex: I like my new areas dark.The area is filled with human bones and there are spider webs in the corners. We see Shane weak with his shirt ripped and is starting to grow a beard. Dex: Since he's got hair covering every other square inch of his body, it goes unnoticed.His hands and legs are shackled and he is hanging on the wall. A man enters the room.Alex 43: It appears this area doesn't have a roof.Dex: Well, duh. That's how big Shane is.
Lucien: well well well, if it isn’t that mighty Shane. Alex 43: Now that he knows who the enemy is, he stops pretending he's captured and rips the chains apart with his fingernails.Dex: *As Shane (?)* Huu huu! I jus did dat tuh make yuh expose yuhself! BANE OF SHANE!
*Dex proceeds to make everything around himself explode.*Alex 43: Usually he does everything instantaneously.Dex: Oh, well, you know how terrible of an actor I am ... *Continues*Alex 43: ... I'll leave you to it, then.
Shane: Lucien, I knew I smelled an old fool.Alex 43: What do old fools smell like?Dex: Very very cheap perfume.
Lucien: O, come now, I am not even 1000 years old yet. Now then, where is that boy?Dex: *As Shane* Right ... behind you ...Alex 43: *As Lucien* Aw, here we go again ...
Shane: Hahaha what makes you think I will tell you?Alex 43: *As Lucien* Tell me where he is, or I'll kidnap him and force you to tell me where he is by threatening to torture him!Dex: That works ...
Lucien: O no Shane, I expect to beat it out of you!Dex: He's got high expectations ...
Shane: Go back to hell!Alex 43: So does he.
Lucien: O I’ve been there, too warm for my taste.Alex 43: Dex, you've been somewhere like that. What's it really like.Dex: Very very dark. Leave it at that.Does hand motion, enters a greater demon with a sackAlex 43: Mmm. Lunch.
Lucien: you can thank your god Saradomin for this. Alex 43: Lunch on Saradomin!Dex: I hate how he's always eating tofu ...
He may have granted you the ability to reincarnate, but with a little spell you’ll always come back to life here. Little greater… have fun. Dex: Um ... Saradomin has granted Shane the ability to reincarnate, but with a little spell, he'll always reincarnate.Alex 43: I think that's how Zamorakians do things.The greater unwrapped his sack, inside were an abyssal whip, a granite maul, poisonous dagger, and a spear. Alex 43: They're gonna equip Shane? Now this story's getting me interested.Dex: Z z z z ...Lucien leaves, as the door closed we hear a muffle screams.Dex: That poor demon ... yes, I'm showing symphony ...Alex 43: The demon split him into 5 pieces!Dex: I wonder how the spear aided in this endeavor ...Ten years have passed. We return to the dungeon with Shane. Dex: I'm guessing nothing has changed?His former bodies litter the floor. Alex 43: Ten years, you'd think he's have the patience to get level 99 prayer on his own bodies?He is bleeding and is so skinny that we can see his ribs. Alex 43: Peeping toms ...Suddenly, Lucien enters the room and punches Shane across the face.Dex: *As Shane* Now why am I not allowed to do that?
Lucien: You infidel! So Saradomin has been answering your prayers. He is protecting you from us.Alex 43: Blame the tofu.
Shane: weakly. Did you really think he would let me feel such pain?Dex: *As Lucien* Ok ... how many times will I have to tell you ... it's not weakly, it's LUCIEN! LUCIEN!Alex 43: Lucien's got the same letters as "Nice Lu".Dex: I dare you to tell him that next time you kill him.
Lucien: You may feel a lot less pain, but you’ll still suffer. Now tell me where that boy is.Alex 43: *As Shane* Right ... behind-Dex: Don't even.
Shane: when Zamorak rules the earth.Alex 43: In other words, never.Dex: I think the real question is "for how long".
Lucien: chuckles. All in due time. Enter 2 lessers with a group of children Alex 43: *As Shane* NO! NOT THE BRADY BUNCH!Dex: Oh, is that what he sounds like?Alex 43: Uh, no! Not even close!
Since I cannot hurt you personally, I’ll kill them. Alex 43: Shane sighs with relief.Dex: If you really want to torture Shane, just leave the children in there with him for a couple of weeks.
I’ll kill one person everyday at noon. Let’s see how you feel to have their death on your conscious.Dex: I dunno, Shane's not the one killing them. If anything, I think Lucien's going to go insane first.Alex 43: Actually, Lucien can raise the undead. ... that, and Saradomin will make them respawn, so it really doesn't matter.Dex: Why can't anybody in this blasted world DIE?!?
Shane: Do not worry children, Saradomin shall take the pain away.Alex 43: *As child* This is a bum-bum field trip!Dex: *As Lucien* Ssh! Don't make me give you detention ...An angered Lucien leaves with the children and the lesser while two greaters enter the room with war-hammers.Dex: Why's it always "lesser" and "greater"? What about the Kh'zhril? The Ehc'havon? The Jhot'yalm?Alex 43: How do you know all these former tribes?Dex: That's the word. "Former".
Black demon: My lord.Alex 43: No, Shane's the husband.Dex: Are you trying to degrade him or something?Alex 43: There needs to be a balance, I'm afraid. Saradomin's will.Dex: Zaros admin, eat your heart out ...
Lucien: What is it?
Black demon: He has called. He demands to talk to you now.Alex 43: Tell that salesman that if he doesn't leave in 3 seconds, HE will need some of his OWN insurance!
Lucien: very well. O and kill… that bald kid there. Make stew out of him or something.Dex: Hm. At least he's feeding somebody.
Lesser: Aye sir. Dinner time boys
Child: Noo! Dex: What are you crying about? You are going to respawn and then eat your own body in a stew! Not everybody in the world gets to do that!The lesser snaps the boy’s arms and legs and is carried to the kitchen.
Lucien leaves.Dex: Wait, what? The lesser snaps off the kid's arms and legs, and then the kid carries it to the kitchen?Alex 43: Dex. My friend. You seriously underestimate the power of human children. They make up 70% of Runescape's heroes.Dex: I guess that explains the overabundance of cheesy stories.We see a very bright room lit with candles and a fireplace. Right in the middle is a strange table shaped in a circle with a cross in the middle.Alex 43: What? A Saradomin altar?!?Dex: Sorry, Alex, but your lord is not as holy as you think.Lucien entersAlex 43: Maybe he's suicidal?Dex: Maybe you're about to be.He kneels in front of the table and an eye of fire is appears in the center. Alex 43: ... see, if I actually HAD a throat.Dex: *Rolls eyes* Put that machete down. It's just a story.
Lucien: What is your bidding my master?Dex: *As ... eyeball?* Tea at ten. Quarter-cup milk this time, dear chap, chop chop.Alex 43: HOW do you DO that accent?Dex: Speak in nothing but it for about 2 hours non-stop while playing with yourself.Alex 43: ... you scare me.
Eye: Have you found my body?
Lucien: No my lord.
Eye: Or that boy?
Lucien: No my lord.Alex 43: Or my wallet?Dex: No my lord.Alex 43: Or the tape?Dex: No my lord.Alex 43: Or the $&^#ing fire extinguisher?!?Dex: Uhhh ... no my lord?
Eye: we are running out of time. Find them both or I’ll find someone who can.Dex: That's guaranteed a false bluff. If he could find someone who can do it, he'd be the one hired in the first place!Alex 43: Unless Lucien's an old-timer.Dex: Nope. If that was the case, the eyeball would know of Lucien's inability to find the tape and hire somebody else regardless.Alex 43: ... maybe he's broke?Dex: A broke eyeball?Alex 43: Well ... yeah?Dex: ... ... Lucien calls the eyeball a "lord". You don't need money to hire a lunatic.
Lucien: Yes my master.
Eye: Do not disappoint me. The eye disappearsAlex 43: For some reason, I feel like calling that eyeball "Sauron".Dex: Hmm ... maybe you've just been reading ahead ...We now see an older Brad in steel armor fighting Mike is in adamantite armor.Dex: Strength noob. They are locked in combat but suddenly Mike kicks brad and sends him flying. We see a stun Brad on the ground with a sword at his neck.Alex 43: "Stun Brad". The Harmless-but-Annoying Pokemon. Likes cheesecake.Dex: *Very very slowly turns away*
Mike: Whew what a fight. You’re doing well Brad.Dex: He got stunned and a sword was held at his neck. In a real-life situation, he'd be dead. Unless they're a cult of emos, that's not what I'd call "doing well".
Brad: Not well enough.Alex 43: Yeah. Suicide is a delicate art, Dex.Dex: Especially when you keep reincarnating every time you try it ...
Mike: here take a ten minute break. After that you’re going to Pika for range training.Alex 43: Totally called the Pokemon reference.Dex: "Pokemon"?Alex 43: I dunno. Er, something I dreamt, I think. Just these strange images with names and stuff. Don't think they mean anything. Again, just a dream. Nothing else.Dex: Really? Huh. I always thought it was just a type of Japanese Anime and a branch of popular Nintendo and trading card games.Alex 43: Yeah, yeah, whatever ...We see Brad trying to shoot an arrow from a shortbow, while Pika with his long bow shows the technique.Dex: What is with these guys and their unfair advantages?Alex 43: They want Brad to grow up hopeless enough so he doesn't betray them in the future out of lust.Dex: Well, if that was the case, he'd betray them out of envy.Later on we see Brad with the wizard, casting air strike at chickens. The wizard leaves Brad to tend to some business. Alex 43: Ten years of magic and he can't cast anything better?Dex: Buddy, ten years of majiya training and you can't do ANYTHING.As Brad is training, we can see a dark figure in the field. Alex 43: The cameraman.Dex: The stunt double.Closer and closer we get to Brad from behind. Suddenly it lunges at Brad.Alex 43: Cue super-intense close-up!Dex: Da naaaaaaaah!
Stranger: BOO!Alex 43: And that, my friend, is how you get yourself beheaded in an instant.Dex: Never ever surprise a warrior trained from birth like that.
Brad: AHHHHH!!! What the, but who are you?!Dex: Correction: who "were" you?
Brad: You’re not a woman, you’re a girl. Alex 43: That was unnecessary. She had the guts to surprise a warrior!Dex: Alex, he beheaded her, remember?Alex 43: Oh yeah. Never mind.
Stranger: well then, I’m Crysala. So what’s your name?Alex 43: *As Brad* I am the fabulous, magnificent, extraordinary abomination of absolute incredible awesemity of superior immortality!Dex: *As Crysala* I just scared you from behind with the oldest trick in the book ...Alex 43: *As Brad* And I CHOPPED YOUR HEAD OFF!Dex: *As Crysala* Can I borrow a Band-Aid?
Brad: I am Brad.Dex: He's got no imagination.
Crysala: nice to meet you Brad. O what’s this around your neck?Alex 43: *As Brad* Don't you know a noose when you see one?Dex: Who's he trying to impress?
Brad: Don’t touch that!Alex 43: *As Brad* It's keeping my head on!
Crysala: Ooo you treasure that necklace don’t you? Well if you really like it so much *snaches medallion*
you better catch me!Dex: Good lord, he stinks! He just got ripped by a decapitated girl!Alex 43: This story is fun.
Brad: HEY!! Dex: *As Brad* I ordered a lemonade, not an iced tea!They run through the field. After a long chase Brad launches an air strike but accidentally makes a hole in Crysala’s favorite dress.Alex 43: You can't grow attached to your clothes when you're a thief, you know.Dex: Actually, I think it's supposed to be just the opposite.
Crysala: My dress! Why you little *picks up stick*
I’m going to kill you!Dex: A headless girl is going to kill a fully-armored knight with a sword, bow, and staff with a wooden stick?
Brad: Uh-oh. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!Dex: *FACEPALM!!!*Alex 43: Let's see THAT again in slow motion, everyone!Dex: *FAAAAAAAAAACEPAAAAAAAAAALM!!!*Brad runs for his life Dex: NO! Brad is NOT doing well if a headless chick with a twig is a death-treat!but suddenly both of them are ensared.Dex: What's "ensared"?Alex 43: It's an acronym. "Evil Neighbor's Soup And Rice Envelopment".Dex: Ooh, now THAT would be an effective spell ...
Wizard: Brad…Alex 43: *As wizard* We can see the cable ...Dex: *As wizard* ... you suck.
Brad: hello sir.
Wizard: Stop playing around, you have more training to do. Little lady give it back. Alex 43: Ok, the decapitation joke's getting a little old, buddy.
Crysala: Nice meeting you Brad.Dex: I'm assuming Crysala's a good guy, then?
Crysala gives Brad a peck on the cheek and leaves. Alex 43: She never gave it back ...We move to where Brad is back home seeing his mother setting the table.Alex 43: Cherish this moment, young one. Watching your mother setting the table will become one of your most fond memories when she's gone.Dex: ... Alex ...Alex 43: Yeah?Dex: Not to ruin the moment, but ... THESE GUYS REINCARNATE!
Daisy: Hello sweetie. How was your day?Dex: He did horribly at committing suicide, he decapitated a girl, he had his pendant stolen from her, and by picking up a twig she nearly killed him.
Brad: tiring. Dex: Go figure. Just another day.
I’m starving mom, what’s for dinner?
Brad: Mmm, yum. Alex 43: He's psychic!Dex: Mortals have what we call a sense of "smell", you know ...Alex 43: ... he's psychic.Dex: Yeah, leave it at that.They sit to eatDex: As opposed to standing on one hand with a 90 degree hip-turn propelled by one leg doing half-circles around the hip to eat.Alex 43: ... that's actually not a bad idea ...Dex: I'll shut up now ...
Daisy: So, tell me about this girl you met in the field.Brad looks shockedAlex 43: She's psychic!Dex: ... actually, I don't think I should respond to this one.
Daisy: This is a small kingdom, news gets around.Alex 43: *As Brad* This is a big deal. It shouldn't!
Brad: her name’s Crysala. She’s very nice.Dex: I wouldn't call a woman who steals your family heirlooms "nice" ...
Daisy: is she cute?Dex: No, she's Crysala.
Brad: Mom!Alex 43: There's a spider in your hair!
Daisy: come on…Alex 43: Apply directly to the forehead.