i think this takes the cake

in Bristol, England where bozo Nigel Firth had a hankering for a lobster dinner. And since he didn't have the cash for the expensive crustaceans, he simply shoplifted a couple of them. By stuffing them down his pants and sprinting for the exit. Not a good idea. The lobsters were none too happy with their situation, so they did what lobsters do to defend themselves. They used their powerful claws to clamp down on whatever was available. Emergency medical technicians had to be called to pry the lobsters loose. Doctors say our bozo will recover but can give up hopes of ever becoming a papa. Thinking he had gone through enough pain, the supermarket manager declined to prosecute.